Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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