omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
In other news, I just burned my penis
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
