Taylor Swift is so right about you.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
the condom got lost in my hair
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Randomize
