and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
