dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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