id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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