do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
