dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
