How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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