Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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