He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Is it penis luge time yet?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
