if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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