Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
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....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
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How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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