weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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