this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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