we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
