i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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