is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
