so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
