how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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