win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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