my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
