if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
