I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
