hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
