if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Come see our sink grown plant.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
