I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
