you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
