Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
