i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
