barbara walters just said penis...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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