Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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