The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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