FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
