if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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