i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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