i would punch a child for taco bell
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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