12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
