In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If I die, sorry about rent.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
