I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
