It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
