I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
