yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
