Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
