whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
