I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
