Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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