everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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