Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
