Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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