Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
