Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
