White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
