How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
