The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
