i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Randomize
