fuck your aforementioned shoe
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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