my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
