I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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