brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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