spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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