Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
