my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
