I think my vagina is haunted
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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