Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
