i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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