Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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