Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game