i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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