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i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
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