..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.