I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction