he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
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Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
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Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick