Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
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He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
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At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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