if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off