i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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