haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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