So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
