I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
