awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
