I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
