SEEEEXXX PLEASE
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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