She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
